When I fly really

When I fly......in my dreams..I believe it so strongly...that when I'm awake I just wonder that how can it be possible that I can't fly.To me the most impossible dreams seem so real and normal..and the reality appears to be so absurd.I often dream that I'm so efficient in flying that I'm performing it in front of a huge audience.Haah haaah haaah.Isn't that funny...but yeah I still can't believe that I can't..........

When I started swimming I realised the same wave in the water which I felt in the air earlier while flying....Whatever new happens to me I feel that it has already happened....and sometimes probably nothing happens at all...in reality.But I fly often in my REAL DREAMS.....

Ajnabi Chehre -- 3

"Sir! ye pen le lo, isme toarch bhi hai.... sirf 10 rupaye ka hai.... subah se 1 bhi nahi bika, kuchh khaya bhi nahi hai...... bahut bhook lagi hai....." WO pen bech rahi thi ya bheek maang rahi thi, pata nahi.

Haan is WO ka bhi naam pata nahi, har ajnabi chehre ki tarah shayad uska bhi koi naam nahi tha, kam se kam mere liye.. 1 ladki jiski umar 10-12 saal hogi, baal apas me is tarah gunthe hue jaise mahino ya phir salon se nahaya na ho, kapde bhi aise hi kuchh the... Baisakhiyon ke sahare sadak pe bheek mangti thi kabhi, jab se delhi government ne road pe bheek dene par FINE lagaya, kuchh bechne ke bahane ya car saaf karne ke bahane maangna start kar diya...

Saket se Batra Hospital (Khanpur) jane ke raste me ek T Point ata hai, jahan se 1 road khanpur aur dusra, Mahrauli jata hai, wahan ka redlight jaise hamesha mera hi intezaar karta ho, aj tak aisa nahi hua, ke main wahan pahuncha hoon, aur mujhe light green mili ho... aur aj tak aisa bhi nahi hua ke kabhi red light pe wo gandi si ladki na mili ho, baisakhiyon ke sahare...

Jab road pe bheek mangna legal tha, government ki nazro.n me tab aksar 2-4 rupaye de diya karta tha, use, jab illegal hua, aur wo kabhi gulab, kabhi pen, kabhi paper etc. ke bahane mangne lagi, to aksar main use 10 rupaye de deta aur jo wo bech rahi hoti wo nahi leta, kyunki wo mere kisi kaam ke na the..

Kyun deta tha use paise pata nahi, kabhi socha hi nahi, shayad uske langrepan pe ya shayad uski gareebi pe taras kha ke... Ya fir shayad khud ko ye batane ke liye ke itni buraiyon ke baad bhi mere andar kahin na kahin 1 achcha insaan zinda hai ab tak..

1 din shaam me doston ke saath PVR complex me ghoom raha tha, mere 1 dost ne bahar lage book stall se koi book kharidi aur paise dene ke liye batua nikala tabhi 1 chhote bachche ne uska batua chheena aur PVR ke peechhe andhere kone ki or bhag gaya, hum sab uske peechhe daude lekin wo gayab ho gaya tha, kaafi der use dhoondte rahe lekin wo to andhere me gadhe ke sar se sing ki tarah GAYAB...

thodi der afsos karne ke baad saare dost ghar chale gaye, main bhi ghar jane ke liye nikal para, Parking me jab pahuncha to paas hi andhere me mujhe wo bachcha dikha jo batua lekar bhaga tha, maine use peechhe se uska coller pakda, to dekha, wahi ladki jo baisakhiyon ke sahare bheek mangti thi, aur main hamesha ..............

Maine uska coller chhod diya, aur wo phir se daudkar bhaag gayi...
Main khush tha, shayad uski tarakki se
ya shayad use bina baisakhiyon ko dekhkar
ya shayad........
khush nahi tha, bas apne aap pe hans raha tha,
ya shayad apne samaaj pe..

Pata nahi kya chal raha tha, mere dimaag me lekin ye to tay hai, aj tak samajh nahi paya, jo us waqt mere upar gujri thi.......

aj bhi kuchh nahi badla, aksar wo ladki mujhe dikh jati hai, usi Traffic Signal pe, usi baisakhi ke sahare chalte hue,

haan ab wo mere paas nahi ati, na hi main use kuchh deta hoon....

thanks for the compliment

If someone steels or copies your creations................Say THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT

Ajnabi Chehre -- 2

25th Jan2005 main Sri Ganga Nagar (Punjab & Rajsthan ke border pe 1 chhota sa sahar... ) gaya hua tha, office ke kaam ke silsilay me.. 25 ko wahin ruka aur 26 ko wapas ana tha, subah wali train jisme mera reservation tha choot gayi, next train agle din subah ki thi, waise shaam me 1 train thi takreeban 6 ya 7 baje lekin usme 1 bhi AC boggi nahi thi.. thand ka mausam tha, maine socha raat bhar ki baat hai aram se cigarette pite hue beet jayegi, Kapde ke naam pe 1 suit pahan rakha tha aur samaan ke naam pe 1 bag me kuchh official documents aur kuchh software ki CDs pari thi.


Sri Ganga Nagar se train khuli, aur main apne seat pe jake baith gaya. Thand kuchh zyada hi badh gayi thi, ya mere kapde utne garm nahi the jitne hone chahiye the, Main thodi der me hi thand se kaanpne laga, jab thand bardasht nahi huee to main gate ke paas khada ho kar cigarette pine laga.

Kuchh ghanto me train Bhatinda (a town of Punjab) pahunchi. Main gate pe khada cigarette pi raha tha, ekaek meri nazar platform pe khadi 1 ladki ki or gayi, wo ajeeb nazroon se mujhe dekh rahi thi,phir wo usi gate ki taraf ayi jispe main khada tha, pata nahi kyun maine cigarette phenk di. Aur uski or dekhne laga wo mujhe dekhe bina andar chali gayi. kismat ki baat ye ke uski seat mere samne thi. Uska middle birth tha aur mera side upper.

Jane kya baat thi us chehre me ya un ankhon me, ke Main andar aa gaya aur apni seat pe let gaya, shayad use dekhne ki khwahish. Zindagi me yun to kitni hi ladkiyan ayi lekin kabhi kisi ko murkar nahi dekha. Pahli baar kisi ladki ko dubara dekhne ke liye main itna betaab tha. Andar bahut thand thi aur bina shawl ya kambal ke andar baithna durbhar tha, lekin phir bhi main andar tha pata nahi kyun? Main side upper seat pe leta hua tha aur use dekh raha tha, 1-2 baar usne bhi mujhe dekha aur phir moonh pher liya. Mujhe thoda bura laga lekin main apni seat pe leta raha.

Thodi der me thand ki wajah se main kaanpne laga, jab meri himmat jawaab de gayi to main wapas gate ki or chal para cigarette pine ke liye, jaise hi cigarette jalayi dekha wo larki phir ajeeb nazron se mujhe ghoor rahi thi, pata nahi kyun maine phir se cigarette phenk di, aur wapas apne seat pe akar kanpne laga, Main us waqt ko kos raha tha jab maine is NON-AC train se wapas delhi ane ka plan banaya tha. Tabhi us larki ne apne bag se 1 shawl nikala aur meri taraf badha diya, thand itni zyada thi aur meri haalat is thand ne aisi kar di thi ke main mana karne ki halat me nahi tha, maine shawl liya aur thanks bola, usne kuchh react nahi kiya jaise kuchh suna hi na ho. Aur fir wo so gayi. Maine socha kuchh bolun use kuchh puchhun lekin wo shayad so gayi thi.. aur maine disturb karna theek nahi samjha

Main shawl odhkar apni seat pe leta hua tha aur soch raha tha, kis tarah baat karun is ladki se, subah jab shawl lautaunga to thanks bolunga uska naam puchhunga, aur pata nahi kya kya batein karunga, yunhi sochte sochte kab neend aa gayi pata hi nahi chala..

Subah 1 khankhanati huee awaaz kano me pari, 1 aisi awaaz jise main aj tak nahi bhool paya, aur shayad kabhi bhool bhi na paun, "DELHI AA GAYI". Maine dekha wohi ladki mere samne khadi thi, aur train New Delhi ke platform pe. uski awaaz 1 baar aur mere kanon se takrayi "SHAWL". Maine shawl use diya aur is se pahle ke thanks bol pata, wo gayab ho gayi.

Thodi der tak main apni seat pe baitha hi raha, mera dimag kaam karna band kar chuka tha, aur chand seconds ke baad jab khayal aya to main daudta hua sa platform pe gaya aur adhe ghante tak use dhoondhta raha.....................

lekin..........................................
Aj bhi dhoondhta hoon...........
shayad kabhi...........................
shayad kahin...........................
jane kyun.................................

kalakar

sachche kalakar woh hote hain
jo khud ke aaine mein khudgarz nahin hote....

sirf apni khushi mein muskura kar ya apne gham mein aansoon baha kar kya kabhi koi kalaakar ban sakta hai...!! Apni khushi aur apne gham se jura har shakhs ek kirdaar hota hai...ek abhineta use apne aap mein dhaal ke kirdaar nibhata hai, ek chitrakaar use rangon mein dhaalte hain,lekhak kahaanion mein,gayak apni awaaz mein....har kalakar apni hi zindagi mein dusron ki zindagiaan bhi ji lete hain....

bahtareen kalakar woh hote hain...................
jo dusron ke gham mein rote hain....dusron ki khushi mein nachte hain...

aise maango to de doon.........

dil se maafi maangne ki bas yahi ek adaa hai............kabhi na maang pana......

Love....

I don't think it can be expressed in these 3 words...I LOVE U...whatever we feel so deeply inside,it becomes more n more difficult to express.And perhaps I love the way love is expressed without sharing it in words but your deeds which prove your unconditional love for someone.

some people often say that for so many years they have been together.so now it's become so boring.But we never get bored with ourselves...we see the same reflection on the mirror everyday..but we don't get bored as we discover ourselves everyday.we often get bored in a relationship because we can't afford to love someone in that way...so to understand that if it's true love or not we need time.When u love someone ask yourself all the questions...u need no answer from the otherside...all the answers will come from within.Ask urself if the person u love becomes blind or lame,will u feel he/she is a burden or u'll feel the same as u would have felt if it has happened to you.Ask urself if his/her face gets burned in an accident,would u still look at the person for hours with the same love n affection or the feeling of love will become less ..if all the answers are positive then u don't need to ask that question "DO U LOVE ME?" and if we really love someone unconditionally then we can't feel insecure...because there is a power in it that compells the loved one to reciprocate.If not,then you need to love more...

Ajnabi Chehre

kuchh anjaan chehre jane kyun apni taswer hamare ankhon me nahi balki dil me choor jate hain, aur aksar ye tasweerein dil ke kisi kone se nikal kar kuchh achche-bure, khatte-meethe palon ki yaad taaza kar jate hain.

Aise hi kuchh ajnabi chehron ko apni diary ke panne se nikal kar yahan apse milwana chahta hoon.

1. Budha chai wala

Aksar office jate hue Saket PVR ke traffic signal se jab bhi car rukti thi, 1 budha sa chai wala dikhta tha, Chai ki dukan ke naam pe footpath pe usne 1 stove rkha hua tha, 1-2 patili thi chai banane ke liye kuchh glasses aur 1 bottel me kuchh biscuits...


Aj ke time me jab har1 sakhsh pareshan hai, har-ek chehre pe koi na koi pareshani dikhti hai, aise me wo 1 aisa chehra tha jiske mathe pe kabhi pareshani nahi dikhi, hamesha muskurata hua jhurriyon se bhara chahra, dekhkar ajeeb si jalan hoti thi. Kaee baar socha car ke sheeshe niche kar ke us se poochhun fir sochta, AC on hai andar ki thandi hawa kahin bahar na chali jaye ya fir bahar ki loo andar na chali aye....

Us insaan ko hamesha maine 1 hi dress me dekha safed rang ka kurta paijama (Jo shayad kabhi safed rahi hogi), chahe sardi ho garmi ho ya barsaat hamesha wahi kurta paijama & wahi muskaan chehre pe, haan jab karake ki sardi hoti thi to kabhi kabhi 1 gandi si sawl & barsaat me 1 chhata jisse wo apne stove ko dhakta tha....


1 din sunday ko main jab movie dekh kar nikla to as usual cafe day pahuncha 1 americano order kiya aur fir baitha hua tha to pata nahi kyun dil kiya chalo aj usi footpath pe chai pi jae.. isi bahane us budhe se thori batein ho jayengi jise kaee salon se dekh raha hoon. Lekin us din wo footpath to thi, wo dukan bhi thi lekin wo budha chai wala nahi tha uski jagah 1 larka baitha hua tha, thori der wahin khara raha chupchaap us larke ko dekh raha tha, us larke ne poochha "sahab chai lenge", maine kaha "nahi". Waise bhi footpath ki chai kabhi pine ki himmat nahi thi shayad mere andar. Maine poochha, "yahan par 1 uncle baithte the", usne kaha "wo to kal hi mar gaye, mere baba the"....................

Pata nahi kyun jab mere kadam wapas ghar ke or mure to man kafi bhari sa lag raha tha, jaise koi apna chhor ke chala gaya, maine kabhi us se baat bhi nahi ki, janta bhi nahi ke kaun hai kahan rahta hai, but uski maut ka mujhe dukh ho raha tha.. aj bhi sochta hoon us chehre ko to man bhar ata hai, jab bhi us road se gujarta hoon, us chai ki dukan dekh kar ankhon me 1 talash jaag uthti hai...

Source of Inspiration

tu ke aaj qatil hai, phir bhe rahat-e-dil hai
zeher ke nadi hai tu, phir bhe qeemti hai tu

pasT hoslay walay tera sath kya daiN gai
zindagi idher aa ja hum tujhe guzaraiN gai

I dont know who wrote this, but Mehndi Hassan saab ki 1 ghazal ki lines hai, Bachpan se sunta aya hoon, Aj bhi jab kabhi sunta hoon, feel amazing...

whatever I do,I'll be either too bad or too good...I hate to be mediocre

Rishtey

Rishtey kitne kisam ke hua karte hain...har rishtey mein thoda bahut pyar aur vishwas to hota hi hai..nahin to woh rishta kya...kuch rishton ke buniyad bade mazbut hote hain aur kuch rishton ke ahsaas gahre...thoda bahut pyar ho to shayad batana parta hai..gahra pyar bhi kabhi kabhi jatana parta hai...

ek rishtey ki gahrayee baaki saare rishton ko nibhana sikha deti hai...

My father says that the toughest job is to be a good human being and to remain so till the end......

As the most difficult tasks always attract me n inspire me...I like to chase the impossible...

kahte hain jinke liye hum rote hain woh layak nahin hote hamare aansuon ke...aur jo hamare pyar paane ke layak hote hain woh hamari aankhon se ek boond bhi girne nahin dete................
main maanti nahin in kahawaton ko....apne hi to aksar rula jate hain....

on my personal diary

apnon ko neglect karna shayad insaan ki fitrat hoti hai...jaise ki meri personal diary;shayad mere sabse apne.Par main roz kahan isse baat karti hoon..kabhi kabhi bahut kuch batati hoon ise aur kabhi kabhi dhool jamne deti hoon is par...phir bhi yeh diary meri baatein sunne ke liye hamesha tayaar...meri adhuri baatein jaise puri tarah samajh leti hai yeh.kabhi shikayat nahin karti ke itne dinon se kyon kuch nahin bataya ya phir aaj itna kyon pakaya...
meri personal diary...jis par yaqeen karne se kabhi darr nahin lagta mujhe...jaanti hoon ke yeh mujhe dhoka nahin de sakti kyon ki yeh bejaan hai...aise hi koi agar mujhe bhi bahut hi apnaa aur vishwas ke layak aur bejaan bhi samjhe to uski negligence paane mein itni taqleef kyon hoti hai...

about my blog name

KHUD KE AAINE MEIN...was the name of my second personal diary....but here I'll post not only from that diary...but whatever absurd things I feel at times and whatever I can share here...I'll post...thanks for seeing my page.